Saturday, April 3, 2010

10 Rules for Dating a Psycho Chick (or How to Get Laid)

Okay, first of all, every girl is a psycho chick at some point or another, so this is basically just how to date a girl and make her happy. We’ve all heard guys complain about how complicated and confusing girls are, but we’re really pretty simple (and if you follow these rules we might be pretty easy as well). Um, I guess there is no second of all…

1. We DO like mix tapes. Give us presents. I’m not talking a new Lexus or a piece of jewelry, but giving a girl a present says to her, “I was thinking about you.” Present giving can be tricky but if you follow a few simple rules it can be a cinch (you’ll have to just stay tuned for my next entry, How to Buy Presents for a Psycho Chick).

2. Surprise! This sort of goes along with the gift giving…we like to be surprised. I’m not talking, “oh, by the way I’m really into your sister” type of surprises. More along the lines of a picnic in the park. Plan something fun and easy (nothing your girlfriend will have to get dressed up for or feel completely unprepared for).

3.  Put the toilet seat down, and all that crap. Seriously. If you’re at our place, clean up after yourself. We’ll forgive your bachelor pad, but when you’re at our place we don’t want to feel like your maid.

4.  We actually like sex. Good sex is only good sex if we both enjoy it. Make sure you’re doing the things we like by asking. And if we ever initiate sex, never, EVER turn us down.

5.  It’s all in the details. Yes, we get pissed when you don’t remember our mother’s first name or that we had a childhood dog that ran away. Not that you have to pay attention to everything we say, but our friends and family play a huge role in our lives. When you don’t pay attention to these things, it’s like you’re not paying attention to us. Make up for forgetting details by being direct; tell us that we matter to you, that you're interested in our family and friends and apologize for forgetting details. 

6.  We don’t always mean what we say. Here’s the thing. Our emotions can run high, and we sometimes need a few minutes (or days) to get control of them. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean. And then we regret what we say. All you can do is forgive us for this. I know this one isn't fair, but it is what it is. 

7. Never, ever, EVER lead us on. Sorry boys, the main cause of psycho chick-ness? YOU. If you’re not into us, we’re going to figure it out and resent you for wasting our time.

8.  Don’t watch us do our makeup. I know this one sounds weird, but it makes us feel uncomfortable. Just trust me on this one.

9.  Don’t tell us we’re beautiful. Okay, not really. But when you tell us we’re beautiful we think it’s a vague and transitory compliment. So tell us WHY you think we’re beautiful. Tell us you love our hair, or that our smile lights up a room. Or compliment us on something that won’t go away if we have the flu or when we wake up in the morning and our hair is sticking up.

10.  Don’t give us advice. Sorry to be all “women are from Venus” here, but men are problem solvers. Not to say that women aren’t problem solvers too, but we tend to solve problems by talking through them. When we’re upset about something and we complain to you about it, don’t tell us how to solve it. Sympathize with us. Agree with us. Whatever you do, don’t try to minimize the problem or reason with us.

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